This house is clean

I woke up earlyish, around 8am, and pottered around the house. I decided not to exercise today, as I had been doing so well and I was fuzzy headed from several glasses of wine last night. I didn't have much time to think as the man from Clearabee came to take away my rubbish from the clutter at 9am. We luckily managed to get into the parking space in the back to haul all of the stuff downstairs. My old photography backdrops are gone, but they have been here for over two years and not been properly used.

I felt sorry for the weird man who had really yellow teeth and receding, monk-style head. I bid him a good day as he left and he said, "I'll have some kind of day at least." I felt quite sorry for him. At the very least I know that a positive attitude is part of being able to enjoy your life.

I went to the Coffee Lounge and bought a large Americano and almond croissant, and set about watching the remaining two episodes of Marie Kondo I hadn't watched yet to inspire me. However, it has been something of a lazy day. I lolled from room to room attempting to do things, but achieving little. I did buy a chest of plastic drawers and a new hoover, which means I've pretty much done everything on my declutter list now.

I packed up the remaining bags of rubbish and took them down to the bins, then I listened to lots of Alan Watts talking about Buddhism, consciousness and death. Eventually I fell asleep around 4pm, then woke up again around 5 since which time I have been pottering around the house again. I managed to finish my application to UnLtd for seed funding for my social enterprise and wrote some more of my 'theatricality' essay.

I ordered a chicken bhuna with mushroom rice and my bio-dad Peter called me to chat. I had messaged him on Monday to say I had been signed off with depression but I assured him I had been feeling okay. Listening to him talk, I realised it is in my nature to feel apathetic because it comes from his side of the family. I need to work hard to combat this.

I decided to watch part two of the Andy Warhol documentary and I listened to a piece of advice he used to give people who asked – just do anything. So, I thought, what is the next step on this journey? I started looking again at flats – any flats – in Peckham and east London and saw two in Peckham that could, at least, provide me with enough space to start doing more photography and video. I am going to book a viewing tomorrow.

Additionally, I think I might spend some time tomorrow thinking about what my 'focus' is. If I can focus on a massive declutter and achieve it by making it my primary aim, surely I can apply this to any other project. I can do this.

My follow up appointment is with the doctor tomorrow. I am hoping she will see positive progress.