Welcome to Madrid

It’s A Friday at around midday in Madrid. It is reaching 17 degrees Celsius and I am writing this in order to get some thoughts down.

The day I arrived in Madrid it was raining - pouring heavily. I’d arranged to meet a British guy from Alicante for some daddy/son play. He came to my apartment and he treated me like his slutty son, dressing me in gstrings and tying me in bondage, getting me to call him daddy before finally tying me to a chair and milking me.

I then went on a short exploration tour of Madrid, walked round the gay area even though it was mostly closed and headed into a burger joint for safety while it poured down with rain. I bought some red wine to drink and thought I would finish by reading east of Eden, but fell asleep on the bed.

On Thursday I decided to do my ‘most wanted’ thing which was to see Guernica at the Reina Sofia. I loved the gallery but got told off for taking a selfie with said painting. I also got to see the Bauhaus ballet costumes and was entranced by a self portrait by Ponce de Leon. He died at 30 in the Spanish civil war.

I had lunch at a gorgeous taperia with Spanish beans, meat roll and cheesecake, served with a beer all for €12 - a bargain!

I then went to the Prado and there were no photos anywhere. It was all a bit too Jesusy for my taste anyway. All a bit overwhelming when going through an existential crisis. 

I came home for a nap and slept till about 6.30. After I toured Masalañas where all the cool vintage shops and indie bars are. I bought myself a pale blue trilby that fits very snugly. Haven’t decided how I feel about it but I’m wearing it as I write this - you know, for size.

I then decided to be adventurous by booking myself on a bar crawl but it was a dud. Spoke to a Russian guy called Roman who felt the same as me so I had one gin and tonic the left for the gay area Chueca. I had another drink in a bar called The Paso bar, but stood their awkwardly - I hate pickup places.

I went home and ordered a burger and Patatas Bravas, then fell asleep.

This morning I woke up, went on Grindr and found a hot bulky Spaniard to have sex with. He was very passionate and his tanned body and dark hair were so sexy. 

I returned to my apartment now I’m wondering how to spend the day

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As an aside, I am still thinking of my own mortality. All roads lead back to the same path. If death is inevitable then all we can control is how we live.

I have decided to make some changes when I return to the UK. One is to move. I don’t necessarily care too much about the Atelier now but I do need to be one step closer to going. The other is to give myself 2 years of really investing in myself and my creative projects. If it doesn’t work I can go back to what I was always doing.

I’m getting fed up of my own excuses and stories. I’d like to prove to myself I can do anything I put my mind to