All this week I think my body has been slammed by the awful jetlag from the trip to Kazakhstan and my very very late night on Sunday. So I've half been trying to take it easy on myself and half punishing myself for not achieving as much as I should.
I was very tired on Thursday and it is 'presentation season', which means sitting through a load of presentations. Formal assessments for most of my modules start next week but we had our first assessment for CC4703 - Branding in Theory and Practice. We had three groups, first one was Spartan Water - a protein water for sports guys. One of the team was late (Michael) but it was a good proposition from Dan and John.
Next up – Vasser from Luca, Neural and Bismark. This was a water aimed at young eco-conscious workers. I felt like they sold the biodegradable bottle more than they sold the water but hey ho. Still a 2:1.
Finally Pronto pasta, which was elevated by its creative execution of art deco font and pasta shapes. It was the best presentation of the day, even if this is not the best cohort of advertising students we've had.
All through the presentations I was being huffy about the students, mainly brought on by tiredness. I think Julia was worried about me. Plus the validation document was started to piss me off. It was a lot of work and I am getting nothing out of it. It's not like I get extra money – just the 'kudos' and with all their complaining I've been reduced to the department whipping boy.
We then had the dry run of presentations for the second years. Group 1 - Immie et al - have done well and just jumped ahead with their idea without explaining it. Julia went to town on them but really they just need to restructure it to avoid confusion. The second group came in and pitched 5 slides and I went in on them - got very angry - and one of them (Rebecca) began to cry. Tensions are high this time of year with all the assessments going on.
After ranting at Julia over lunch, I went to see the journalism students but only George and Andonis turned up. George told me that university deadlines had given him anxiety and he had started taking Sertraline. We then wandered around the university looking for a Mac lab until we found WB1.06. I waited for about half an hour, before taking George and Adonis for a quick coffee. I then when back to do more work on the document until 5pm, then I got annoyed with QA who were hassling me to meet the deadline. And then it just hit me - why am I breaking my own back to try and get this document in on time when I'm shouldering the responsibility for other colleagues not meeting the deadline.
I sat at home feeling absolutely shattered, but instead I decided to go to Peckham to meet Rachel and have a cocktail at Batch. I had a gin martini and 3 glasses of white wine. I asked if Phil had spoken any more about what we discussed on Sunday night. No – not at all.
Overall in mood I instead tried to revel in the moment. If this is what we have then there is no point spending one moment unhappy. In fact, it is pointless in life to be afraid of death because it affects the only bit we are conscious of!
I went back to Phil's with Rachel and we had ordered pizza (so hungry) and I was honest with her that I thought her and Phil would break up because she is ready to move out - and it doesn't look like there's much of a future. I don't even think he is well equipped to deal with what is happening to him.
I decided to get a cab home because I was way too tired, messaged Damien on Scruff and fell asleep around 11.30pm.
I woke up around 6am feeling really washed out, so I decided to get out of bed and watch Drag Race. In fact, I skipped most of Drag Race because it was some stupid Draglypmics episode where A'Keria C Davenport won, and she is the weakest contender I think. I then resigned myself to finishing the stupid document, cutting and pasting all mod specs into one long thing. I then asked Caroline from admin to format it for me, while I went for a long nap over lunch.
When I woke up, the formatting had been done, and so I sent it to the department, which made me feel anxious given their previous attitude. However, I decided to go for a long walk and I phoned Julia instead to tell her it was making me feel weird. I then decided that I had done enough for now – I was totally exhausted – and stopped answering to emails around 4.30pm.
I then fought against my laziness and tendency to depression and decided to clean the house, gather my clothes and take them for a service wash and get a damn haircut. I've been looking really shabby, so I decided to say fuck it and take the plunge. Eckhart Tolle says, "Any action is better than no action because if you make a mistake you learn and then make another change, but you take another step."
I took the plunge and went for a high fade and I LOVE IT! So pleased with it. The barber almost just gave me a number two at the back and sides, but I said, "No – give me the skin fade". I'm so pleased. I look so much more 21st century and fresh! I decided to book a brows appointment for Saturday to compliment it.
At home, I had about two and half glasses of red wine, felt very tipsy and poured myself a jasmine and orchid lush bath. I kept listening to the Power of Now and I am starting to realise to preoccupy oneself with questions around death is ultimately pointless. It happens to all of us. It is life that is the anomaly – a short blip of 70 or 80 odd years in which we have the pleasure of witnessing the Earth.
I feel bad for not going out, but also I realised I have to push myself to socialise more, see people, organise events, go out and find my joy.
Awakening on Saturday I felt much more refreshed than I had done since last week and I took it fairly easy. I rushed out at 10am because I forgot I had booked my brow appointment, got my brows done and returned to eat beans on toast. After pottering around for a bit, I edited together an old video of me saying Vogue over and over again and felt rather pleased with myself.
Some guy from Grindr named Stuart popped over for some mutual masturbation that was quite hot, but ultimately just a 20 min stop during the day.
I then played Hitman 2 for PS4 for about 2 hours before grabbing a shower. I told Craig I would go to the Chateau in Camberwell with him tonight so I'm currently waiting in my blue and red vintage short sleeve shirt waiting to call a cab!
Till next time...
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